Every young parent dreads the tantrum and many parents wonder how to handle it. They read books on the subject, sometimes many books. You can find these books on Amazon.com just in case you are a mom (or dad) and need to read up on the subject. If you don’t have time to search for yourself, here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=tantrums.
You will find all sorts of tasty tidbits about parenting and behavioral issues on Amazon, so for those of you having trouble, go to town – read these books, see if you can actually do anything suggested, and then get back to your normal life. Oh, and if you have a child with Asperger’s (high-functioning autism), don’t waste your money.
Most books say to ignore the tantrum. In general, I have found it difficult to ignore someone who is screaming and flailing like a brightly colored fish that lost his fish bowl, but we all have our weaknesses. I remember when my ever so sweet boys started having tantrums (about 12 years ago now) and how concerned I was about handling it just right. I tried to ignore them as suggested. Oh, and how I agonized about ignoring them (was I really doing the right thing? Maybe I should talk to them, try to reason with them, or try to understand the problem).
Well, guess what, my 14 month old had her first tantrum yesterday. Yep, she laid right down on the floor and started kicking her legs and looking right at me. My response: “oh, how cute but sorry sweetie I don’t have time because I am helping Tim with his homework.” Tim and I continued reading, and I could swear she looked at me aghast with mouth hanging open.
“Take a number, honey, I’ll get to your tantrum later.” Number 57, calling number 57. Sometimes, when the requests all come in at the same time and I can’t possibly respond to every one right then and there (I think they missed the lesson from Ben Franklin on how patience is a virtue), I just hand them a piece of paper with a number on it and tell them to wait in line. I know, bad parenting, very bad parenting. My children will probably grow up to be serial killers.
So, if you are really wondering what to do when your child has a tantrum, have more children. You won’t have time to wonder or creatively handle the situation or read or…on some days go to the bathroom.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Where have all the towels gone...
Yes, this is meant to be sung to the tune "Where Have All the Flowers Gone"? If you haven't yet heard this fantastic ditty from 1961, please view the youtube video.
This morning, after my shower, I dried myself with an infant towel. You know the ones - the small square pieces of fabric meant for a newborn that have a hood attached to them. This one was white with yellow duckies. I have to admit that I was only somewhat dry after the experience.
When I checked early yesterday morning, all the towels were neatly tucked away in the linen closet for use. By the end of the day, all of the towels in the house had been used. Yes, all of them. Everyone bathed yesterday, which is an unusual occurrence in our house. While I am not sure how young girls feel about bathing since my 14 month old has no choice in the matter, young boys, tweens, and teenage boys all seem to have an aversion to bathing, wearing deodorant, brushing their teeth and their hair - just grooming in general. I have been known to give out money in return for washing. There is one exception - shaving. They all like to shave, as many times a day as it takes to get rid of that small sprig of peach fuzz flowering beneath their nasal passages. Draigh continually asks me to check his "stash" for new growth.
You also have to bear in mind that we did house chores yesterday and while house chores don't normally require towel use, Taliesin, whose job it is to mop the floors has given up on the idea of wringing the mop. He finds that wringing the mop is a waste of time and prefers saturating the floor with soapy water as a method. He then uses 4 bath towels to dry the floors afterwards.
My good friend, Alan, who comes over quite regularly asked me once "why aren't there ever any towels in the bathroom (you know to dry your hands off when you are done washing them)? My response, "well, I can't seem to keep the in the bathroom." I continue putting them in the bathroom all day long but....I am sure you see the problem. This problem is worse in the summer. We live one block from the Fox River and only a few miles from the pool.
Oh, and then there are the projects that involve towels like washing the car or using the towel as an umbrella during a rainstorm. Sometimes I find towels in the family room covering the stain of juice or diet soda that one of the kids was trying to wipe up (hey, at least they tried). I even find towels in the middle of my driveway or in the yard - huh? What are these kids up to now?
Every time my sister calls which is almost every day, she asks me what I am doing. She has come to expect my response, "doing laundry." It doesn't matter if she calls me in the morning, afternoon, or evening, the response is always, "doing laundry." I think I am up to at least 14 loads of laundry a week - about 2 loads per day sounds accurate.
So for all of my friends and family members who don't hear from me regularly on Facebook and wonder what it is I am doing with my life these days, the response will always be the same, "doing laundry."
This morning, after my shower, I dried myself with an infant towel. You know the ones - the small square pieces of fabric meant for a newborn that have a hood attached to them. This one was white with yellow duckies. I have to admit that I was only somewhat dry after the experience.
When I checked early yesterday morning, all the towels were neatly tucked away in the linen closet for use. By the end of the day, all of the towels in the house had been used. Yes, all of them. Everyone bathed yesterday, which is an unusual occurrence in our house. While I am not sure how young girls feel about bathing since my 14 month old has no choice in the matter, young boys, tweens, and teenage boys all seem to have an aversion to bathing, wearing deodorant, brushing their teeth and their hair - just grooming in general. I have been known to give out money in return for washing. There is one exception - shaving. They all like to shave, as many times a day as it takes to get rid of that small sprig of peach fuzz flowering beneath their nasal passages. Draigh continually asks me to check his "stash" for new growth.
You also have to bear in mind that we did house chores yesterday and while house chores don't normally require towel use, Taliesin, whose job it is to mop the floors has given up on the idea of wringing the mop. He finds that wringing the mop is a waste of time and prefers saturating the floor with soapy water as a method. He then uses 4 bath towels to dry the floors afterwards.
My good friend, Alan, who comes over quite regularly asked me once "why aren't there ever any towels in the bathroom (you know to dry your hands off when you are done washing them)? My response, "well, I can't seem to keep the in the bathroom." I continue putting them in the bathroom all day long but....I am sure you see the problem. This problem is worse in the summer. We live one block from the Fox River and only a few miles from the pool.
Oh, and then there are the projects that involve towels like washing the car or using the towel as an umbrella during a rainstorm. Sometimes I find towels in the family room covering the stain of juice or diet soda that one of the kids was trying to wipe up (hey, at least they tried). I even find towels in the middle of my driveway or in the yard - huh? What are these kids up to now?
Every time my sister calls which is almost every day, she asks me what I am doing. She has come to expect my response, "doing laundry." It doesn't matter if she calls me in the morning, afternoon, or evening, the response is always, "doing laundry." I think I am up to at least 14 loads of laundry a week - about 2 loads per day sounds accurate.
So for all of my friends and family members who don't hear from me regularly on Facebook and wonder what it is I am doing with my life these days, the response will always be the same, "doing laundry."
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Are You Sleeping?
The days here begins at 4am, which is a good time if you are living in an ashram, but I am not. Wouldn't it be nice to start my day with meditation or perhaps reading the newspaper or some chanting, but no, I am frantically grading papers or posting discussions trying to squeeze in as much work as possible before everyone is awake at 5:30am (I teach online). Yes, 5:30am is when we all wake up, well, except for the baby (surprisingly enough)who doesn't wake up until 7am. How is this possible? She goes down at 5pm for the night and wakes up at 7am. That's it. No crying. Nothing. She gives me a smile, sticks her fingers in her mouth and starts sucking. She does this at nap time too. In fact, I can count the amount of times she has actually cried on one hand - birth, once when she enountered a stranger, and at my contact lens exam (dark room, large machine in front of mom's face). I call her my little Buddha because she is so content and at peace.
Draigh, my 11 year old wakes me up more than the baby does. He wakes me up at least 3 or 4 times a week. He has insomnia, which means everyone has insomnia. Reasons he wakes me up: he's scared; it's raining; there might be a tornado; he has a sore throat; his knee hurts; he has had a nightmare; he is having trouble getting his electric car to work; there is something wrong with the cable at 2am. Well, you get the picture. He has not slept in his bed for over a year now. He sleeps on the couch in the family room because, he is convinced, there is something living in his bedroom walls. It scratches. Now, my hearing isn't very good, but I have not heard the "scratching" myself. Tim (also 11 and they share a room), his soon to be step-brother, has in fact heard this scratching. While I have suggested it might be a mouse, a vole, or some other small creature, they are both convinced it is either something supernatural or an alien and I can't seem to convince them otherwise.
Maybe it's a cricket - day 2, no gecko but I went out and bought crickets anyway (my fiance bought them; when would I have time to shop) and put them in a cricket keeper (funny looking contraption with holes). I put them in the middle of the floor, near the bookshelves where we last spotted the gecko, hoping I could entice it with a tasty meal. No such luck but that's okay because the sobbing has stopped and now they all want hermit crabs. I wonder what time hermit crabs wake up, perhaps they too suffer from insomnia.
Another reason we are up at 5:30am is that the HS bus arrives at 6:20am. Yes, that's right folks 6:20am. Who can learn at this hour? Certainly not teenagers. Taliesin, for the most part complains but seems to do fine with this time. He is a morning person. He was my first and my baby from hell (if there is such a thing). So now, we have 1 Buddha baby and the anti-Christ. Taliesin never slept. He screamed all night long (well, and all day long for that matter; he is my child with Aspergers, which we didn't find out until he was 6). The only way to get him to sleep for even two hours at a time was to put him in one of those battery operated baby swings. Yes, that is where he slept for two hours each night until he was too big to fit in the swing. Then, we were all screwed. At this time in my life, I worked in the corporate environment. So every day, I went into the conference room and stole one hour of delicious sleep, on the couch, in the conference room, at work. Don't worry, he did finally sleep four hours at a time when he turned two, which was just before......my next child was born.
I remember 13 years ago I asked my friend Margy, who had children before me, if they ever slept. She laughed. I should have known by the laughter, but back then I was still young, naive and hopeful. So, here I am typing away (rather than teaching - oops). It is 5:26am and I have 4 minutes of silence left. Just enough time to post this blog.
Addendum - you may notice it is slightly later now...my computer wouldn't copy and paste, so I retyped this by hand, every letter. Hope to get copy and paste working by tomorrow.
Draigh, my 11 year old wakes me up more than the baby does. He wakes me up at least 3 or 4 times a week. He has insomnia, which means everyone has insomnia. Reasons he wakes me up: he's scared; it's raining; there might be a tornado; he has a sore throat; his knee hurts; he has had a nightmare; he is having trouble getting his electric car to work; there is something wrong with the cable at 2am. Well, you get the picture. He has not slept in his bed for over a year now. He sleeps on the couch in the family room because, he is convinced, there is something living in his bedroom walls. It scratches. Now, my hearing isn't very good, but I have not heard the "scratching" myself. Tim (also 11 and they share a room), his soon to be step-brother, has in fact heard this scratching. While I have suggested it might be a mouse, a vole, or some other small creature, they are both convinced it is either something supernatural or an alien and I can't seem to convince them otherwise.
Maybe it's a cricket - day 2, no gecko but I went out and bought crickets anyway (my fiance bought them; when would I have time to shop) and put them in a cricket keeper (funny looking contraption with holes). I put them in the middle of the floor, near the bookshelves where we last spotted the gecko, hoping I could entice it with a tasty meal. No such luck but that's okay because the sobbing has stopped and now they all want hermit crabs. I wonder what time hermit crabs wake up, perhaps they too suffer from insomnia.
Another reason we are up at 5:30am is that the HS bus arrives at 6:20am. Yes, that's right folks 6:20am. Who can learn at this hour? Certainly not teenagers. Taliesin, for the most part complains but seems to do fine with this time. He is a morning person. He was my first and my baby from hell (if there is such a thing). So now, we have 1 Buddha baby and the anti-Christ. Taliesin never slept. He screamed all night long (well, and all day long for that matter; he is my child with Aspergers, which we didn't find out until he was 6). The only way to get him to sleep for even two hours at a time was to put him in one of those battery operated baby swings. Yes, that is where he slept for two hours each night until he was too big to fit in the swing. Then, we were all screwed. At this time in my life, I worked in the corporate environment. So every day, I went into the conference room and stole one hour of delicious sleep, on the couch, in the conference room, at work. Don't worry, he did finally sleep four hours at a time when he turned two, which was just before......my next child was born.
I remember 13 years ago I asked my friend Margy, who had children before me, if they ever slept. She laughed. I should have known by the laughter, but back then I was still young, naive and hopeful. So, here I am typing away (rather than teaching - oops). It is 5:26am and I have 4 minutes of silence left. Just enough time to post this blog.
Addendum - you may notice it is slightly later now...my computer wouldn't copy and paste, so I retyped this by hand, every letter. Hope to get copy and paste working by tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Life in the Republic
A republic, as defined by wikipedia, "is a form of government in which the people thereof retain some control of the government." For our purposes here, the republic that we are talking about is my family. My role - the government. The people retaining control - my children. Notice that I did not say retaining "some" control, as in the original definition, because at this point it is fairly obvious that I no longer have any control of the republic. While I don't think we have reached a state of anarchy yet, with 3 teenage boys and a baby, we are definitely heading in that direction. I would like to say that we are still a direct democracy, although, I am probably just fooling myself.
As it turns out, this blog will be about the state of our republic (better known as the mommy blog) and I believe, today, our state is partly cloudy. We may even have some thunderstorms later today when the teens get home from school.
Our current state consists of 1 boy age 14, 2 boys age 11, 1 girl age 14 months, my fiance, my father, 1 large black dog, 4 cats and 1 (since last night) house gecko on the loose - escaped from glass cage at approximately 8:15pm. Thankfully, I did not wake up in the middle of the night screaming as a lizard scurried over my leg. Whereabouts are still currently unknown. Praying the cats have not yet sniffed him out. We already encountered an hour of sobbing from my son; god only knows what would ensue if I found the gecko in the mouth of one of our cats. I rue the day.
So, now, you have met our clan - picture coming soon - welcome and hope you enjoy the ride.
As it turns out, this blog will be about the state of our republic (better known as the mommy blog) and I believe, today, our state is partly cloudy. We may even have some thunderstorms later today when the teens get home from school.
Our current state consists of 1 boy age 14, 2 boys age 11, 1 girl age 14 months, my fiance, my father, 1 large black dog, 4 cats and 1 (since last night) house gecko on the loose - escaped from glass cage at approximately 8:15pm. Thankfully, I did not wake up in the middle of the night screaming as a lizard scurried over my leg. Whereabouts are still currently unknown. Praying the cats have not yet sniffed him out. We already encountered an hour of sobbing from my son; god only knows what would ensue if I found the gecko in the mouth of one of our cats. I rue the day.
So, now, you have met our clan - picture coming soon - welcome and hope you enjoy the ride.
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